Sunday, September 13, 2009

Life's rules

I don't have very many solid "rules" one has to abide by. I'm one of those damn free spirits. My poor husband is so anal and organized. I make it a point to drive him bat shit crazy at least once a day if not more. I do though, believe whole heartedly, in a few rules of life to live by. It's made me pretty successful at whatever I have tried to accomplish.

1. There are two kinds of people in life. Those that pick their nose privately in the bathroom and those that pick their nose in the car for all to see. I for one like to pick my nose in the car. It's way more entertaining to watch people recoil in horror.

2. Never trust anyone who doesn't like bacon. Seriously. It is the food of the gods. Perfection at it's best.

3. Shower once a day and after a workout.

4. Don't expect to enjoy the oral fruits of labor from your partner if you don't give back in equal enjoyment.

5. Look yourself over in the mirror before you leave the house. Because if you don't, it will be the one day you go commando and have a gigantic gaping hole in the ass of your pants.

Now go forth and give blow jobs while picking your nose. You can thank me later.


1 comment:

  1. I agree with ALL your rules. Except the bacon one. I love bacon, but there was a time for about 6 months that the very aroma made me nauseous. No, I wasn't pregnant. And then it was okay again. Very weird.