1. She carried a vile of Billy Bob Thorton's blood around her neck. I don't know about you, but Billy Bob seems to be one sick mother fucker as it is.
2. She adopts children like they are candy. Yeah, yeah she's saving children in war torn countries. I get that. But most people collect stamps or Lladro figurines. She collects children. The only difference between her and Mrs. Dugger is that not all of Jolie's kids came out of her crotch.
3. She stole Brad Pitt away from Jennifer Aniston. Fine. Give me that look. Yes, Brad had a hand in the failure of his marriage, but for pete fuck's sake, look at the woman. I'd do Jolie. If I wasn't afraid she'd kill me afterwards.
4. She can't be human.
5. She carried a VILE OF BILLY BOB THORTON'S BLOOD around her neck. Yes, I said that before, but it's so fucking whacked that it deserved to be mentioned twice.
Ms. Jolie's publicist refused to comment.
Come back next week for more sheer mindless entertainment.