It's simple. Repeat after me. V-A-G-I-N-A. There now, was that so hard?! It's not a who-ha, pussy or even a hair pie. I'm so tired of all these stupid knicknames because someone is too fucking shy to say the real word. I once had a boyfriend call it "the garden." I don't know about you, but I certainly don't smell like roses nor does my vagina resemble anything floral. (My husband is now supplying me with very interesting slang terms. My personal favorite being a meatless taco.) The same goes for a penis. How hard is it to say (huh-huh-hu, I said hard) penis? It's not a long duck dong, wanky, monkey, one eyed willie, etc. My son knows the correct terms and even uses them, yet most adults don't. So, I challenge you, right now to use vagina and penis in your daily conversation. In fact, I double dog dare you to use penis & vagina in conversations that have nothing to do with them.
"Kroger's had milk on sale for $1.99 a gallon."
"Really? That makes my vagina really happy."
"I thought about going to the movies on Friday to see than new Brad Pitt flick."
"Huh, did you know I have a 7 inch penis?"
Granted if you say that, most likely you will be dubbed a pervert and get a restraining order slapped on you. Make sure to email us with the outcome okay? Hey, that's what I am here for. It's because I love and care for you all. That and it's sheer mindless entertainment for me. Bonus if you take pictures. (Please note, I want pictures of you getting in trouble and the looks on people's faces when you randomly insert my favorite two words. I actually DO NOT want pictures of your penis or vagina. Then I would get to slap a restraining order on you. Now that would be fun.)
So, repeat after me. V-A-G-I-N-A and P-E-N-I-S.